Friday, 24 June 2016

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."

The world is falling apart. I woke up this morning and felt like a stranger in my own country. I'm shocked and frustrated, yes, but I'm more miserable. With every recent news story my heart breaks. My life seems to have become a surreal living nightmare. I was drifting through life, taking each day as it comes and just when I started to feel slightly more myself I'm catapulted back into the dreamlike state of living. As I stepped outside today I felt strange. The world felt like a different place.
By Ella Strickland de Souza, www.elladesouza.co.uk, @elladesouza
The past month has been the hardest. I'm still learning how to get by and emerge from the grief circling in my head. I've been increasingly questioning life in a different way. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse the British people have proven me wrong. Cuts and austerity measures have hit people hard. They are vulnerable and crying out for change. This is how they thought they could be heard. What makes me the most sad is that these people have been misguided and their naivety has let them. This has changed everything, not only for themselves, but for everyone. As a young person, I feel I have to live with this decision for a very long time. A decision that I didn't want to make. The future is uncertain and it's an unusual and scary feeling.

The combination of this and the recent news stories of the mass shooting in Orlando and the cold blooded murder of Jo Cox has made me realise how hard life is. I've lost my hope in humanity and I've realised how cruel human beings can be. It's hard to sit and watch people do things like that to each other. Yesterday all the tubes broke due to flooding and signal failures and London came to a standstill. I stood on the tube, pressed against other people in the crowded space, thinking how everything felt like a bad Tom Cruise apocalypse film. A dystopian nightmare. It seemed like the world was heading for some sort of d-day. People have said to me that everything that happened to me last month was surreal and like a film. It's true it is surreal. But it's not a film. It's my life.

I do feel lonely and I feel more then ever that I need him to get through the hardships of the world. Fear of the unknown overtakes me and it's enough to make anyone feel deflated and alone. It's easy to sit there and think "what's the point in all this?" But you can't think like that  I've somehow managed to retain my optimism and positively in spite of everything. I actually don't know how I'm still going. But I am. This is life. Life begins. Life ends. Life endures. We have to push forward and think of how we can cope and make the situation better. It will be a hard fight but it's time to start living how we want and to make ourselves heard. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Life is too short and it's unpredictable. Everyone disappointed with the result today should take it as a chance to unite, be motivated and show that we won't take this anymore.


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